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HARAM RELATIONSHIP MADE ME SUICIDAL

BEFORE STARTING THE MAIN CONTENT I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU ALL THE IMPORTANCE OF DUROOD DUROOD OR SALAT REFERS TO SENDING BLESSINGS AND SALUTATIONS UPON PROPHET MUHAMMAD THE NOBLE PROPHET HAS STATED, "WHOEVER RECITES SALĀT UPON ME ONE TIME, ALLAH SENDS TEN MERCIES UPON HIM, FORGIVES HIS TEN SINS AND RAISES HIS TEN RANKS.' (SUNAN NASAI, VOL. 1, PP. 191)

Me and my cousins were going out to buy a football. Twice I stepped in front cars, twice my cousin saved me, Alhamdulillah. He did it by punching my stomach. And I guess that got some sense into me. I was upset at the time, as it didn't work out as I wanted. I felt completely helpless. I felt like I had no escape from this pain. That's when I did my first ever actual, conscious sujood. The connection I felt was something else. I lost the connection after that and that took me back to where I was. The pain slowly became a part of me. It got me weaker. I had my friend with me all the time though. He was a relief from all of this. 10th standard was all the same except that now I had to take regular medicines for migraine.
Things took a massive turn on the December of that year. The day after the school tour she finally accepted my proposal. I was so very happy. I had this smile that was just stuck to my face. We didn't have daily conversations or contact though. Apart from 6 people, no one new about this, so we couldn't talk from class. We didn't have online connections as well. I was rarely online at the time as I didn't have my own phone. After the 10th exams, I moved from grandparents' home to my home, about 40 km away. We went to seperate schools. I went from seeing her daily, to seeing her rarely. Five months later, I found myself blocked in IG by her. She told my friend that she was no longer interested. I was devastated.
The pain that I thought was behind me, crept back in and so did the fake smile. I swore never again. The next few months were very hard. I started to become afraid of meeting people and getting attached. Guess what though? I still didn't learn my lesson. I fell in love again with a junior girl in my school. Two weeks after I proposed her, she said yes. That very day I got a new phone. This time it felt like healing. Everything seemed to be put in the right place. I was happy. No one in school knew about us. So we didn't have any direct contact. But we called and messaged daily. For every day that passed, I started getting more attached.
LEARN ISLAAM

She felt like home. We both shared our pain, our smile, literally everything. No one understood me the way she did. My life revolved around this one person. I got more diligent in prayers. I prayed the obligatory ones as well almost all the voluntary ones. I prayed for one thing. To be here and in Jannah with this one person. But after a series of incidents, we had to end our relationship. We both knew we had to let go of each other for now. The prayers never stopped. On one side, I lost the one person that I based my life on. On the other side, I started doubting Islam. Islam seemed irrational to me. I was seriously considering leaving Islam for atheism. However, Allah * has his own way of guiding people. Amidst all of the problems, He decided to guide me. A random suggestion popped up in Youtube. "Does Science Lead To Atheism?" was the title. It was a lecture by Brother Hamza Tzortzis. That was how I got into philosophy. From that video to 'The Divine Reality' to countless other spectacular minds of Islam, I found the only thing that truly mattered. The only thing that filled my heart. Love for Allah and His Messenger , What's temporary will never give you eternal peace. All this while I was searching for it in the wrong place. Nothing in this material world would ever be enough to fill your heart. The solution was always inside of me, the fitrah. But I had to awaken it. Allah says in the Qur'an, "Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." (13:28) Our existence is totally dependent on Him. He is the Eternal. He is the Independent. He is the Sustainer. Nothing else can ever give us peace. That's how Allah created us. We were created solely to worship Allah $. That's our purpose and fulfilling that is the only way that we will ever be in peace. The more we ignore our fitrah, our natural disposition, the longer we will be emptier. We can try and fill this gap with the material world but never will we ever succeed. Believing in Allah not only grants us eternal salvation in the next sea life, it is also gives the peace that we very much long for in this world. Nothing else can. Human relationships are very special. Love is a strong feeling. It builds us and mends us. However, love, if not channelled in the right way will only bring destruction. Pain. That's why Allah Yit has set certain boundaries for us. 

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